


Hellequin Honeymoon

by alittlegreenrosetta



Series: Broken Heart, Broken Mind [2]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:10:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4947940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story starts almost immediately after Broken Heart, Broken Mind ends. This is not a plot heavy story, just a fun look at the first few days of coupledom with our psychotic lovebirds. Going forward all stories about this couple will have sex, violence, violent sex etc..  We wouldn't want the Joker and Harley to get bored, now would we?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harley Quinn was having the best day of her life. She was having the best day of anyone’s life. It was like a beautiful dream. Or like a movie, there had even been a makeover montage. It was a day full of chaos and destruction, which would be pretty great on its own but it was also a wonderfully romantic one. She was absolutely pulverizing the face of an Arkham Asylum guard with a baseball bat as her one true love watched. She could see pride and love and desire in the looks he was giving her. In her dying moments she hoped her last thought was of the look on his face watching her now. A little bead of sweat trickled down the side of her face and she paused to look at her handiwork. Despite the fact that she and the Joker had been outnumbered the Joker’s fearlessness had meant they had the upper hand right from the beginning. It had surprised her when he chose to subdue the guards and watch her take them out one at a time. The one remaining guard was a real big tough looking guy. He’d tried much harder than the other guards to fight off the Joker but he still ended up pinned to the wall with one of the Joker’s knives lodged in the center of each of his hands.

“Would you mind if I borrow your bat, Harley?” Mr. J asked, his question bringing her out of her reverie. His hand was held out for her to bring it to him.

“Of course not, Mr. J. Let me just clean it up a bit for you.” She looked around for something in the room not covered in blood to wipe her bat off with.

“Don’t worry about that, just hand Daddy the bat.” He smiled at her encouragingly. She felt her insides melt and she hurried over to give him the bat with a happy smile plastered on her face.

“Relax a minute, Harley. Mike and I need to have a _private_ conversation. Mike here thinks he’s a big man. He’s not afraid of a _cuh-razy fuh-reak_ like me, are you Big Mike?” The Joker was pacing back and forth in front of Mike and smacking his lips while he was talking. It was obvious from his agitation that Mike had made him angrier than the rest of the Arkham staff during his stay in the asylum.

“That’s right, Clown. You aren’t shit. You act like you’re the scariest thing around but you’re just a skinny, ugly, degenerate madman!” Mike spat out. The Joker pointed to his own chest and mouthed the word “Me?” and looked shocked. Meanwhile Harley was stomping her little boots on the ground as she marched up to Mike to give him a piece of her mind. Before she could get to him the Joker intercepted her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“I know just how you feel, Harley but this one’s _mine_. Just have a seat and watch Mr. J take care of everything.” He said while leading her over to a chair. He leered at her and crooned, “Stay in your seat like a good girl and I’ll give you are reward when I’m done.”

Harley had become lost in her thoughts about what Mr. J’s reward might be so she missed any further conversation between Mr. J and Mike. When the Joker finally attacked the guard with the bat her attention was brought back to them. The Joker flew at Mike like nothing she’d ever seen before whacking him over and over with the bat with a speed that seemed inhuman. He was ferocity embodied. He screamed his final insults to Mike in a deep growling voice that shot through Harley’s core. She could feel the slick wetness pooling between her legs as she shifted in the chair to get a better view of Mr. J’s attack. She never wanted to be on the receiving end of this force of fury and hatred but she could watch it endlessly. He concentrated his shots to Mike’s body so that he experienced the maximum amount of pain without passing out or dying. Before long something inside must have ruptured because there was a trail of blood dripping out the side of his mouth even though Mr. J had not hit his head. Up til now Mike had been doing his best not to scream and had managed to keep things down to some pained moans and groans though it was clearly taking everything he had not to just let loose with a wail. Harley admired that really, Mike was actually pretty tough. Tougher than his co-workers anyway. The Joker started jabbing him with the tip of the bat with so much force that it had to be breaking bones with every impact. Harley found herself wondering what the bruises this action left would look like. Maybe she’d try that out sometime. With every jab Mike was getting more and more vocal until a strong jab to his groin finally elicited a true scream. The Joker finally smiled and slowed his attack. From then on all Mike did was scream until the Joker got bored with him and slit his throat. Mike was still pinned to the wall but even though he looked solid Harley suspected he was the world’s biggest serving of steak tartar on the inside. The Joker took Harley’s bat over to the lounge’s sink and washed it off. He handed it back to her clean and dry.

“Thanks, Cupcake. You ready to get out of here?” The Joker asked her. He was panting a little and his hair was damp with sweat from his exertions. She felt flushed and out of breath from what she had just watched. She jumped out of the chair and flew at Mr. J. He caught her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and clamped her legs around his waist. They latched onto each other’s mouths with shared passion. He was salty with sweat and she found herself expanding her licking and kissing outward from his mouth, looking for more salt to kiss away. Eventually she found her mouth working its way down his neck with little nips and kisses. The Joker seemed to decide this was as good a time as any for them to leave and after picking up her bat and bag, walked out of the staff lounge and headed towards the front doors. He didn’t have to worry about dislodging her as he walked, she wasn’t going anywhere. Something did occur to her and she stopped worrying his throat with her teeth for a moment to talk to him.

“Be careful not to trip over Carlos, he’s right in front of the door.” She returned to kissing him, moving on to one of his collar bones but she felt him shift around something she assumed had been Carlos.

When they got out of the asylum he propped her up against the side of her car and pulling her face up towards his began kissing her again. Now that they were in the fresh cool air of night and out of his prison he kissed her with more enthusiasm. Soon he shifted his body so that she could feel his erection rubbing against her center, she responded enthusiastically. His hands moved from the sides of her face down to her arms. He pulled her arms from around his neck and pinned them roughly against the car. He moved his own mouth down her neck but instead of the little nips mixed in with wet kisses that she had given him, he bit her with bruising force. It hurt of course but she loved it. She was panting with desire and began thrusting her hips so that his erection started to make contact with her clit through their clothing. In very little time she started holding her breath for a second or two with every intake trying to focus her attention on the sensations that were quickly escalating her towards climax. Before she could get there, Mr. J pulled his face away from her neck and licked his lips.

“We’re _not_ doing this here, Harley.” He looked into her eyes with a serious expression on his face. She kept thrusting against him hoping to tempt him into changing his mind. He pushed her harder against the car so she could no longer move and then grabbed her throat. His grip was tight enough that she knew to obey him but not so tight that she couldn’t breathe. Then he pulled a cell phone out of his jacket pocket. Really? He was making phone calls right now?

“Hey- what are…?” She started to express her indignation but he tightened his grip on her throat so she could no longer talk. Someone must have picked up on the other end because he started talking. Now she couldn’t breathe and she was getting pissed off.

“Send someone to pick me up at 10th and Capitol in 15 minutes. Oh and bring someone who can get rid of a car.” He ordered into the phone. “What do you mean you need more time? I don’t care if you weren’t expecting me. Now you have 10 minutes and you’d better not be late.” He put the phone away and looked back at Harley. If he could tell how pissed off she was he didn’t let on. He let go of her throat and she regained her balance on her own feet. Then she quickly kicked him in the shin as hard as she could and stood there glaring at him.

“Oh Harley, I get such a kick out of you!” He started laughing at his terrible joke. He didn’t say anything else, just walked around to the driver’s side and got into the car. She got in on the passenger’s side, not seeing much point in standing out there and pouting. Plus he might leave her, the keys were in the car. They headed away from Arkham, both hoping it was the last time they ever saw it. Harley giggled a little when the Joker allowed the car to drift over in order to drive over Steve on the way out. The Joker gave her knee a squeeze to show his approval of her sense of humor. As they drove through the streets of Gotham Harley allowed her thoughts to drift. She really couldn’t stop wondering what sex would be like between them, when and if they ever managed to actually do it. Things with Jack had always been wonderful. Sex was playful, passionate and loving. She knew physically there would be some very obvious similarities between the Joker and Jack but beyond that, they were so different she couldn’t imagine they would be very similar in bed. Harleen had tried sleeping with a couple of other guys after Jack had died. Both experiences had been miserable failures. Beyond the fact that both men failed to measure up to Jack she just didn’t enjoy herself with them. There was no laughter, no love, it was just physical and well…boring. She felt pretty confident the Joker wouldn’t be boring.

The car came to a stop in a parking lot at the address the Joker had given whomever he called earlier. It was after 2am now, almost everything in this part of Gotham was closed so they were alone here in the darkened lot. After he turned the car off the Joker reached down and pushed his seat back as far as it would go. He leered at her and patted his lap. She was straddling him in an instant and they returned to their previously interrupted make out session. After all the excitement back at the asylum and how close she had come to getting off back there Harley was no longer in the mood to be pushed around by the Joker. He was not stopping this again. He didn’t have to fuck her but she sure as hell was getting off. Now. Or she’d make him regret it. Earlier she had been submissive to the power of his domineering kisses but now she threw herself into kissing him full force and left him no choice but to let her have control. She licked and sucked his bottom lip and traced the line of his scars with her tongue. She wasn’t sure what his reaction to that would be but as soon as her tongue made contact with the bumpy and rippled skin her brain left her body and all that was left was animal passion. She bit her way from his lips to his chin, and down his neck. She tasted blood, she’d apparently broken his skin somewhere. It didn’t stop her. She was about to tear open his shirt when he distracted her by flicking open a switchblade.

“Raise up a little.” He ordered. She did and before she realized what was happening he had sliced through the center of her tights with his knife. She watched in fascination as the light flickered off the surface of the knife until it disappeared into whatever pocket it had come from. With the knife gone they were kissing again. He slid his fingers along her slit but instead of sliding them into her as she hoped he would he withdrew his hand and quickly unfastened his pants. Ok then, that was even better. His cock slid along her wet folds and she was moaning. She was trembling with excitement, she couldn’t believe that she was finally doing this with the Joker.

“Fuck, you feel like a slip and slide, Harley.” The Joker said after pulling away from her kisses. He started laughing again. She joined in with a small giggle but was mostly focused on lining his erection up with her body so she could finally feel him enter her. When he was fully inside her, she had to pause for a few seconds to accommodate his size. It had been a long time for her and he was not a small guy. Finally she started riding his cock at a frenzied pace. He grabbed her pigtails and drew her back down to kiss him. He had his tongue shoved so fully into her mouth she felt like her mouth was being fucked too. It was overwhelming and she started to come, moaning and humming around the tongue that filled her mouth. As her orgasm peaked she stopped moving and bit into his tongue on accident. She was too caught up in her pleasure to worry about hurting him but he moaned so loudly into her mouth that she was fairly certain he’d liked it. Since she was no longer moving much he let go of her pigtails and grabbed her hips, thrusting into her savagely until he came as well. Together they sat in the front seat with their foreheads pressed together, panting into each other’s mouths. Finally Harley sat up a bit and noticed that all the windows of the car were fogged up. She giggled at the idea of their car fogged up and rocking furiously as they fucked. The Joker just smiled up at her. He pulled her face back towards his gently and gave her another kiss.

“We should go, we’ve kept the boys waiting long enough.” He pulled out of her gently but the loss of him inside her still felt almost painful. He saw her pout and slapped her ass playfully. “It’s not the end Harley, just the end of this time. Let’s go home and if you can put a smile on that face maybe we can have some more fun.” She put the biggest smile should could manage on her face and climbed off of him back over to the passenger seat. Wait a minute. They’d kept the boys waiting? What did that mean?

 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Spider hadn’t expected the Boss’ call which was pretty strange. The Boss for all he claimed to not plan things always let Spider know every possibility he should prepare for long before it happened. Whatever the reason for his sudden departure from the asylum, he wanted picked up, now. Spider had to drag one of the other henches out of bed, run multiple red lights and speed the entire way to get to the meeting place and it still took him fifteen minutes. The Boss wouldn’t be happy. When they arrived it was easy enough to find the Boss since the area was mostly deserted. The only car around was a little blue hybrid, not at all the Joker’s taste but maybe it had been the only thing around to steal. Spider and Billy got out of their van and started to head over to the car that the Joker had to be in but then Spider put his hand out and stopped Billy. The windows on that car sure looked fogged up. Like maybe something was going on inside the car. What the fuck was the Boss up to this time? As they stood there together trying to decide what to do the car suddenly started rocking.

“Oh, hell no!” Spider exclaimed. “Let’s get back in the van, he’ll get out when he’s ready.”

“You think he’s in there alone or you think he picked up a whore while he was waiting for us?” Billy wondered aloud.

“Who knows, it’s the Boss. Could be a snake nut can or whoopee cushion in there.” Spider wished he was joking.

“Fuck. Whatever’s happening in there I’m gonna have to be the one who drives that car next.” Billy complained.

“Yep, sucks to be you. If it makes you feel better I’ll be spending time with the actual Boss rather than whatever fluids he’s left in that car.” Spider suddenly felt worse for himself than Billy.

“Sounds like we’re both getting a shitty deal.”

“He’s getting out, let’s go.” They jumped out of the van and Spider hoped that whatever had just happened in there put the Boss in a good mood.

“Spider! Billy! Good to see you both.” The Joker approached them smiling and raising his arms in the air as though thrilled to see them. “Too bad you were _late_. You’ll pay for that later.” He finished grimly.

“Lucky for you I had something to keep me busy.” The Boss said just as the passenger door opened. Spider and Billy mutely stared in wonder at who stepped out. She wasn’t just beautiful, she was a walking wet dream. And she’d just fucked the boss in the front seat of that car. Spider had known the Boss a pretty long time but he’d never seen him pick up a hooker before, this one must have had one hell of a sales pitch. Too bad Spider was busy right now. The blond ducked back into the car to get something from the back seat. She came back into view with a baseball bat and a duffle bag and started walking towards them.

“Boys, this is Harley. Harley these are two of the boys. Spider is the big guy and Billy is the weasely looking one. Spider, get the lady’s bag. Billy, here are the keys.” The Joker tossed the keys to Billy but he was still so shocked at what he was seeing that they bounced off his chest and landed on the pavement. Spider swallowed and thought over what had just been said to him. The blond was coming home with them? And she had luggage? She was moving in?

“Hiya boys!” The blond, Harley apparently, said to them in a childish voice. They both dumbly waved at her a little. She giggled back at them. The Joker returned to her side and then grabbed her and threw her over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry setting her off into a fit of giggles that he then joined in with.

“Let’s go, Spider!” The Boss yelled from the van he was entering with the blond still wrapped around him.

Billy looked over at Spider and then at the car. “That car is going to smell like sex. It’s going to smell like sex with the Boss.”

“Yeah, it will. But that van is going to smell the same by the time we get to the hideout only I’m gonna be in it the whole time.” Spider said in a mournful tone.

“You win, you got the shittier deal.”

“Yeah. I really did.” The two henchmen went their separate ways before things got any worse.


	2. Chapter 2

Harley woke to the sound of a door closing. It had been closed gently but that had been enough to wake her. She raised her head off the Joker’s bare chest and looked around. No one else was in the room but on the floor next to the bed a cardboard drink holder with two large coffees had suddenly appeared. This must be the Joker’s usual routine. She didn’t see any clocks to know what time it was but a glance out the window showed that it was just becoming light out. At this time of year that probably meant it was around 8am. Why the hell would someone bring coffee now, they couldn’t have slept for more than 3 or 4 hours? She put her head back on the Joker’s chest and started to go back to sleep while remembering how they’d spent their time together before falling asleep last night. A big grin covered her face. Just before she was back to sleep the Joker started to stir. Unfortunately because she was laying with her arm and leg and head all covering his body there was no way for him to move without moving her. She did her best to hold him down with her weight but he was much stronger than she could fight against.

“Coffee, Harley. Let me go.” He grumbled sleepily.

“Coffee later, sleep now.” She mumbled back and came close to drifting off again. He finally just pushed her off himself entirely and picked up one of the insulated cups. She tried to ignore him and rolled over to her other side but she couldn’t ignore both his movements and the smell of coffee. She wasn’t really much of a coffee drinker, if she got at least six hours of sleep she just naturally woke up cheerful and ready for her day. Still there was something about the smell of it that just woke you up even without drinking any. On three hours of sleep she was neither cheerful nor ready for her day so she decided if she had to be awake she might as well have the coffee the henchman brought her. She stretched her body over the Joker’s lap and blearily looked down at the coffee. There was a pile of creamers and sugar packets next to it though it didn’t look like Mr. J had used either. Oh well, more for her. She opened the cup and started dumping sugar and cream into her coffee. Soon it was pale tan and she was out of things to add.

“Jesus, Harley, I should have just told them to bring you some coffee flavored ice cream or something.” Mr. J teased as she stirred up her heavily adulterated drink. She tasted it. Honestly, it could use more sugar. And maybe some more cream. She sipped at it slowly, still laying on her stomach across Mr. J’s lap. She felt him start to stroke her skin with one finger, just running it slowly up and down the length of her body. She knew that if she was more awake she’d be jumping him again. They’d had sex three times last night but she didn’t think she could ever get enough of him. The only problem was she was so tired. The feeling of his finger on her skin was soothing rather than sexual and soon she felt her body relaxing more and more until she awoke with a start as her coffee cup slipped out of her hand. Fortunately it had been close enough to the ground that it landed still standing up and only splashed a little out of the top of the lid. She looked over at Mr. J to make sure he wasn’t angry but he just raised an eyebrow at her and kept sipping his coffee. She felt herself turn a little red and decided she should probably just let the coffee go for now. She laid back down and snuggled back into Mr. J’s side. She was asleep again within moments.

When Harley finally woke up on her own the Joker was long gone and all evidence of the coffee that had been there earlier had vanished. She looked around the room a little. Last night Mr. J had just carried her through the hideout and threw her onto the bed without giving her time to take in her surroundings. Not that she had minded. She was now thoroughly acquainted with his body, who cared where they slept? Now she could see the room was bare except for the small bed, a little table next to it, and a rack that had some clothing hanging from it. She got out of bed and looked at the clothing. There were a couple of purple suits and a selection of various colored button downs. Looking around some more she noticed a door on the other side of the room from the one that went out to the main part of the hideout. She was still naked and hoped that when she opened the door she’d find a bathroom on the other side and not a room full of henchmen. She was in luck. It was small room that housed a toilet, sink, mirror and shower stall. It was ugly but clean enough that she wasn’t afraid to use it. After she used the toilet she walked over to the sink to wash her hands and looked at her face. She couldn’t help but laugh. She had her own and Mr. J’s makeup smeared all over her face and body. Checking to make sure there was both a towel and soap around Harley decided to have a shower. She didn’t know what the day would bring but she assumed they’d be keeping a fairly low profile after the break out so she threw on some red skinny jeans with a black boat neck sweater and a pair of black Converse. She left Slugger in their room assuming she’d be safe enough in the hideout and headed out to see if she could find the Joker.

She hadn’t been able to see anything about the hideout last night, most of the lights had been out and Mr. J had carried her through to his bedroom so quickly. By the light of day it looked like a factory that had been gutted of most of its manufacturing equipment but there were still signs around the walls about things like OSHA guidelines and safety warnings. Immediately outside Mr. J’s room was a storage area, most of the boxes had the word ammunition printed on them. As she went along she passed through what seemed to be a work out area. A couple of tough looking guys were lifting weights there and stopped what they were doing to watch her pass. She decided it was best to just ignore them. Finally near the entrance to the building she found a small kitchenette area. She was starving. She had been too nervous yesterday to eat much and she had definitely worked up an appetite last night. There was nothing in the fridge except beer and hot sauce. "Men." She thought and shook her head a little. The cabinets were mostly empty as well but she found an unopened bag of miniature donuts and decided they were fair game. She started shoving donuts into her mouth like she hadn’t eaten in a week. Not very ladylike, she thought with a little giggle. Before she knew it half the bag was gone and she decided she’d better stop before she made herself sick. She was drinking a glass of water when one of the guys who had been working out earlier decided to approach her.

“Hey there, sweetheart.” He looked her up and down and smiled. She had assumed that everyone who worked for the Joker would know she was the boss’ girl and leave her alone but apparently Mr. J hadn’t done a very good job of getting the word out. She wasn’t sure if the Joker would want her talking to this guy or not so she turned to refill her water glass while she considered what she should do.

“How much you charge? I got a little money put aside, normally I wouldn’t want the Boss’ sloppy seconds but you are one fine piece of ass. And don’t try charging me whatever crazy amount you charged him. I ain’t no freak. I’m a good lookin’ guy.”

Well that decided things. Setting her water glass down in the sink, Harley picked up a mostly empty beer bottle that was sitting on the counter. She spun around and brought it down on the hench’s skull.

“I ain’t no whore, dumbass!” She sneered at him. He started to retaliate but she still had the jagged broken neck of the bottle in her hand.

“I’d walk away if I were you or you’re gonna be picking glass outta your dick for a week!” Harley threatened.

“Dammit, Jake. Leave her alone.” Spider said as he walked in the entrance of the hideout. “She’s the Boss’ girl, you idiot.”

“She’s a fucking cunt is what she is!” Jake snapped.

“This cunt’s gonna take your ass out if you don’t back off!” Harley yelled back.

“C’mon, Harley. The Boss asked me to teach you to shoot today, let’s go out back and practice.” Spider told her, still trying to diffuse the situation.

“Oh yeah? That sounds just great, Spider, let’s go!” She was so distracted by what the Joker wanted that she forgot all about the fight she was in the middle of and skipped off beside Spider.

Harley thought that shooting a gun was going to be hard to do. That a small woman like her couldn’t do it, that the gun would be too powerful for her to handle. That’s how it always looked in movies anyway. Well the movies were liars cause it was easy and fun! She wasn’t great at aiming right away though; that did take some practice. Still Spider was patient with her and before too long she could reliably hit the beer bottles he had set up for her. She was never going to be a sharp shooter but she could be reasonably sure of hitting the person she intended to if they stood still like the beer bottles had. Well, she’d keep practicing. Maybe she could get the asshole who called her a cunt earlier to come out here and run back and forth with a target pinned to him like a duck in a shooting gallery. She had a giggling fit thinking of it. Just then a car pulled up and Mr. J and Billy got out of it. She quickly handed to gun back to Spider and took a flying leap at her Puddin’ with a happy squeak.

“Having a good time, Harley?” Mr. J asked her while she covered his face in little kisses. She smiled at him and nodded but then thought for a moment and shook her head no as her face darkened. Mr. J glared at Spider.

“What happened?” He growled.

“It was Jake.” Spider answered. “He wasn’t using his head. Said some things, maybe got a little rough with her.”

The Joker her put her down on her feet and looked her over as though looking for injuries.

“I’m fine, Mr. J. Well, I’m real angry but he didn’t hurt me. He did disparage my virtue though.” She said with a little sniff. “So I hit the lousy bastard over the head with a bottle!”

A laugh started bubbling out of the Joker and it soon turned into a howl. Harley couldn’t help but join in with her own shrill giggling. Soon the henchmen had come out of the factory to see what all the noise was. Seeing Jake standing there the Joker stopped laughing and gestured for him to come closer. He looked around for a place to run to but seemed to realize there was nowhere in this world he could go to that the Joker couldn’t find. He reluctantly walked out to where the Joker and Harley stood.

“Jake! I hear you have a problem with my choice of, uh, companions.” The Joker smacked his lips. “Is there something about Harley that you don’t like or did you just _really_ want to piss me off?”

“Neither Boss. I was just confused I guess.” Jake glared at Harley while he spoke. She made a face at him and stuck out her tongue.

“Yeah, sounds like maybe you were. The problem we have, Jake, is I can’t have confused people on my team. You understand that don’t you?”

“Sure, Boss. That makes sense.” Jake looked down at his feet, waiting for the Joker to kill him. And the Joker did pull a gun out of his coat but Harley stopped him and whispered her idea about improving her aim at moving targets into his ear. He let out a short burst of laughter and then grabbed Harley by the shoulders and pulled her up into a kiss.

“Oh my little Harlequin, you are the girl for me!” He told her and then turned towards his henchmen while she swooned at his side. “Boys, Harley has had a _wonderful_ idea. You see she’s a deadly little thing but she doesn’t have much experience with guns. Spider has been giving her a lesson with beer bottles but she’s a little worried she might have trouble hitting a moving target so Jake, in a last gesture of good will is going to give her a little practice.”

Jake’s eyes grew wide and he looked around at the others as though expecting them to be outraged by this plan. When he realized no one was going to come to his defense he dropped his head and trudged over to the little shooting practice area Spider had set up. He started shuffling back and forth slowly, providing little challenge for Harley. The Joker fired a few shots near his feet.

“Faster, Jake. Harley needs a chance to improve.” Jake picked up the pace immediately. Harley watched him going back and forth. She had to work hard to keep from giggling. He just looked so funny. She squinted one eye and stuck her little pink tongue out to the side of her mouth while she took aim. Her first shot went wide by about a foot. The Joker put his arm around her and whispered in her ear.

“Don’t shoot where he’s at, aim for where you think he’s going to be when the bullet gets to him. People are easy to anticipate, Harley.”

She looked at Jake again. He wasn’t really staying on a specific path, he was just trying to keep moving fast enough that the Joker wouldn’t get angrier with him. Still he was essentially going back and forth and from her first shot she had a pretty good idea of how long it would take the bullet to reach him. She focused again and fired off another shot, hitting Jake in the shoulder. He screamed and Mr. J started clapping for her.

“Very good Harley! Jake, you really have redeemed yourself by helping out my girl here. Just for that we’ll show just a little mercy today.” The Joker stood behind Harley and put his hands around hers on the outside of the gun. He raised her arms up slightly and a bit further to the right, then with his finger over hers on the trigger shot Jake cleanly in the head. Jake dropped to the ground.

“We got him Mr. J !!!” Harley started jumping up and down and cheering.

“We sure did, Cupcake. Boys, clean up this mess.” The Joker said as he pulled Harley into the rundown factory with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assume anyone reading a Joker story is okay with knives but just in case- Warning: Knife Play Ahead!

Harley linked her arm with the Joker’s as they walked through the factory. The Joker pulled a sheet of newspaper out of an inner jacket pocket and began reading it to her as he steered her towards their bedroom.

“A three alarm fire broke out late last night in a north Gotham apartment building. The building was completely destroyed before fire fighters could put out the blaze which also left smoke and heat damage on nearby buildings. There are two confirmed deaths from the large fire. The confirmed dead are Mr. Henry Wallace who became trapped in his second floor apartment by a support beam and Fire Captain Davis Smith who bravely saved a two year old girl from her apartment before going back in to help Mr. Wallace. The only unaccounted for resident of the building is Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. At this time no body has been recovered though fire department sources have said that they are still investigating the site and her remains may still be found. It is possible Dr. Quinzel is still alive and Gotham City Police Department are asking Dr. Quinzel or any citizens who know the whereabouts of Dr. Quinzel to call in to their tip line.” He tucked the paper back into his pocket. “What do you think, Harley, should we give them a call?”

Harley laughed at his question. Wow, her little fire had sure grown into something important. A sudden thought worried her. “Does that mean people are going to be looking for me?”

“Yeah, it does, you can’t show your face around Gotham anymore. Of course neither can I. Someone is keeping news of our break out last night from being reported in any news sources, most likely Commissioner Gordon. He’s probably worried I’ll cause _chaos_ and _panic_.” Of course he’d cause chaos and panic, he was the Joker, that’s what he did. News reports or not, anarchy was on the horizon.

“What he doesn’t realize is that we are skipping town. Wanna go on the lam with me, Harley Quinn?” He asked her with a teasing tone. Of course she did.

“Sure, Puddin’, where should we go?” He gave her pig tail a sharp pull at the word “Puddin’”. If that was meant to dissuade her, he had to know it wouldn’t work.

“I think Chicago would be best. It’s got enough mobs, crime and corrupt officials to keep us from getting home sick but it’s far enough away we can take over the place before they figure out who the Joker is.”

“Ok.” She said quietly. She thought about whether or not she’d like Chicago. It was probably a nice enough town but if they were moving maybe it could be to someplace warmer. “Hey, Puddin’? Is there any chance Honolulu would work instead?”

“As much as I would enjoy watching you walk around in bikinis all day I don’t think it’s quite right for us. It’s hard to bring down humanity’s morale and turn society into chaos when everyone is blitzed on Mai Tai’s and watching Hula dancers.”

“Oh if anyone could do it, you could Mr. J!” She thought maybe a little encouragement might change his mind. Still wherever her Puddin’ was, that’s where she’d be.

“ _Chicago_ , Harley. We leave tomorrow night. We just have a few loose ends to tie up first. Speaking of loose ends, what was the name of the police officer who took you out on a _date_?” He spat out the last sentence as though it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Who, Pete? Lieutenant Pete Blake. Is he a loose end, Puddin’?” She wasn’t really sure what that meant, Pete was no danger to them, still there was a little angry feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought of him.

“Don’t worry about it for now.” They entered his bedroom, she was beginning to think of it as their bedroom though she supposed that would only be true for one more night. She knew life with the Joker would probably be one without a lot of permanency of objects or places.

“I have a little present for you, Harley.” The Joker said while pulling a long black box out of his outer coat pocket. It looked like a jewelry box, the type that might have a necklace or bracelet inside. She started jumping up and down while clapping. He licked his lips and watched her. “Or I could stand here and watch you bounce, I can’t say I hate the view.”

She grabbed the box out of his hand before he could change his mind about giving it to her. When she had pulled the velvet sides apart there was a knife inside. The handle was a beautiful bright red with smoky black swirls throughout. She reached to take it out of the box but the Joker quickly grabbed it from her. She looked up at him trying to understand why he took it away.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get it back. I want you to carry this with you _always_. I can’t promise I’ll do a good job of looking out for you all the time. When we’re on a job I, uh, tend to get a little caught up in the moment. I can teach you how to look out for yourself though.” He looked at her sincerely but she resented the implication.

“I can already look out for myself! I looked out for myself today, didn’t I?” She huffed.

“You did, and I’m glad. But it never hurts to learn more ways to kill someone does it?” He responded cheerfully. She smiled at him and shook her head.

“Good. Get undressed and lay on the bed.” He ordered. Harley hurried to strip and get over to the bed. She was excited about the direction this lesson was headed in already. She stripped down to her bra and panties and laid on the bed while the Joker took off his overcoat and suit jacket. He sat down on the bed next to her and pulled off his purple leather gloves. He held her knife where she could see it and pushed the little silver button on it, with a fast clacking sound the blade had popped out. He took her hand and held out her arm. Both sides of the knife looked sharp but as he slowly drew the right side across her arm she realized it was an illusion, that side was dull. He put her arm down and slid the knife under the cloth at the center of her bra. He sliced up with the other side of the knife and her bra was cleanly cut in two.

“Lesson one: one side is dull and the other is sharp as hell.” Harley said with a little giggle.

“You’re a good student, Harley.” He looked down at her breasts and saw her nipples harden in response to the exposure. Using the deadly looking tip of the knife, he pressed into her creamy skin. She hissed in pain but watched as he continued poking a pattern into the flesh. When he was done she had a small heart made of pinpricks of blood over her left breast. “Lesson two: the tip is very sharp and can penetrate all sorts of things.”

She looked back up at him and nodded to show she was paying attention. It was hard to keep her attention from drifting though, she hoped there weren’t too many lessons in this little show. She thought about him fucking her instead and had to bite her lip to avoid moaning. He had a wicked smile on his face that showed he knew what sort of effect this was having on her already.

“Lesson three: you can use your knife to torture, maim or kill. When you’ve had a lot of practice you can use it to tease.” He turned the blade to a forty five degree angle and scraped slowly down her abdomen with it. It didn’t break the skin but felt sharp and scratching. Heat shot through her and she couldn’t stop a little moan from escaping her lips.

“Lesson four: it will cut through most things very quickly” he said as he sliced through the sides of her black panties, “but if you are careful you can cut only the first layer or two of skin and not draw blood.” He demonstrated by running the sharp blade slowly and carefully over the sensitive skin just above her pubic bone. She watched but couldn’t see any mark or blood. The blade was too sharp to hurt, it hadn’t felt like much of anything but it looked so sensual. She could feel her vaginal muscles clench painfully, she wanted him inside her now. She knew he wasn’t done with his show yet so she just squirmed a bit and tried to ignore how intense her desire for him was.

“Final lesson: you can use it to mark what’s yours. Now hold really still Harley or you _won’t_ like what happens.” He pulled her left arm across her abdomen and held it out straight. He then started writing something across it with the knife. She was trying so hard to be still. The sharp blade didn’t hurt a lot, though here and there it would sting. She knew it would hurt a lot more tomorrow than it did today. She couldn’t tell what he was carving into her but it didn’t matter, she trusted him. When he was finished he pulled back and she could see the blood starting to well up through the words “Joker’s Girl”. She read it again and felt a flutter in her heart. Had her heart actually just skipped a beat? Whatever it was she couldn’t have been happier with what he had just done to her.

“There, that should help avoid any confusion from other people in the future. What do you think?” He asked her.

“I love it! Will it be permanent?” She hoped so.

“Probably not. But we can always do it again.” His tone was sultry and her body couldn’t take it anymore. He still had her arm held tight so she couldn’t move much. She’d just have to talk him into letting her go.

“Mr. J? Are we done with the lessons? I love my new present and I really want to show you how much.” She looked up at him seductively. He let her arm go and pulled off the scraps of her panties. He wiped any blood on her knife off with the scraps and then closed the knife. He set it on the little table next to the bed and then stood up to undress. She watched him, staring intently at his nakedness. She’d gotten over being shy about it after last night. It wasn’t really his nudity that she was embarrassed by, it was how desperately she desired him. Now she knew he returned her feelings and she felt comfortable surrendering to her obsession with him. He climbed onto the bed and stood on his knees between her legs, pushing up on her knees to give himself better access to her pussy. He slid a finger into her wet opening and then added a second one when he realized how ready she was. She tried to sit up to gain access to his body but he pushed her back down with his free hand. Not being sure what he wanted she decided to just enjoy the sensations of his fingers thrusting in and out of her. She started thrusting back and wished he would add another finger or his cock, she wanted to feel full and stretched. Suddenly he pulled out of her entirely and grabbed her hips in order to flip her over onto her stomach.

She tried to get up on her hands and knees but he pushed her back down and used his hands to stretch her arms out to the sides. She couldn’t be sure but she thought he just wanted a better view of his knife work on her left arm. It occurred to her that her right arm already had a mark declaring her his, if he was possessive this had to be a good view for him. Her chest was flat against the bed and her legs bent and spread wide. He pulled up on her hips a little lifting them from the bed. His hands gripped the round cheeks of her ass firmly and then moved back to her hips. Suddenly he pushed himself into her, she was wet enough that it didn’t hurt but sent a jolt through her body that felt sort of like the beginning feelings of an orgasm but it was deep in her body and not focused around her clit like normal. He kept thrusting up into her and each time seemed to stroke something powerful and intense within her. Harley had never really put much faith in the idea of a G-spot but she couldn’t think of any other explanation for where this new feeling could be coming from. Well, she was now a convert to the First Church of Grafenberg. Her moaning was guttural and animalistic with every hard thrust into her. As amazing at this felt she eventually realized that she wasn’t going to be able to come from this alone. She usually orgasmed quickly but she couldn’t manage it without some sort of stimulation to her clit.

She tried to wiggle her right hand under her body so she could get herself off but in response to her movement the Joker pulled her body up so she was also on her knees with her back pressed against his chest. Oh, she liked that. More contact with the Joker’s skin made her happy. The shift took away the intense g-spot stimulation she’d had before but now Mr. J had his hands on her breasts, squeezing and pulling at her nipples and the more diffuse stimulation was just as thrilling. She began to feel his balls slapping up near her clit with every thrust so she reached her hand down to lightly stroke them and hold them closer to her body when they came forward. The Joker moaned and bit down on her shoulder, quickening his pace. The soft tapping against her swollen clit combined with all the pain and pleasure her body was humming with was enough to throw her over the edge. She came loud and hard, her vocalizations only intensifying the already earth shattering orgasm. After her release it was all she could do to stay up on her knees, she felt boneless. Realizing that she wasn’t going to be very helpful the Joker let her go and pushed her back down into the position they had started in. ‘Oh God!’ She thought, or screamed maybe. The G-spot stimulation was back with a vengeance now. It was like her orgasm from before just never ended as each stroke felt like another peak of mind numbing pleasure. Joker dug his fingers into her hips, she felt his sharp fingernails break the skin. He violently pushed and pulled her body across his cock until finally he cried out his own release. They laid there in a panting heap for a few minutes. After he pulled out of her they stretched out and Harley snuggled against the Joker. She looked at her arm and saw that most of the bleeding had stopped though she and Mr. J both had smears of blood on themselves. So did the bed. Oh well. She reached over and picked up her knife. She practiced flicking it open and pushing it closed while Mr. J stroked her hair. She didn’t imagine the Joker was really capable of feeling contentment but he was certainly good at making her feel it. She was startled out of her happy thoughts by a loud growl that came from her stomach. She looked up at Mr. J, they both started laughing.

“C’mon. Let’s feed you before you turn cannibal on me.” He joked and pulled her out of bed.

“Don’t worry, Joker, I suspect you’d taste funny.” She fell back on the bed giggling.

“And I thought my jokes were bad.” He chided while tickling her and climbing back in bed with her. The tickling eventually led to kissing and the kissing led to much more. They didn’t end up leaving the room for another hour and when they did, they found all the henchmen were as far from the Joker’s room as possible, huddled around a tv with the volume turned all the way up.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, again at sunrise, Harley woke up just as the phantom coffee delivery boy shut the door. At least she had gone to sleep sooner the night before. After they had eaten the Joker gathered all of his employees for a meeting. Not a planning meeting of course, because Mr. J would be the first to tell you he doesn’t make plans. They did however discuss at length all the details of today’s move to Chicago, it had gotten boring fast. So Harley went to bed early, she was pretty exhausted. She had no idea when Mr. J had come to bed but he was lying there with his back to her. She noticed that at some point in the night his hair had returned to a sort of toxic green color. Harley wasn’t sure which was funnier, the idea of him coloring it himself or having one of the henchmen do it. Either way she wished she’d been awake to see it. She ran her fingers through the wavy curls, untangling them gently. The underside near the nape of his neck was curlier than the rest, she loved played with the little ringlets hidden there. Suddenly his hand reached over and grabbed her wrist, she was afraid he was angry at her for waking him but he gently pulled her hand down to his mouth and kissed her palm and then let her go so he could reach out and get his cup of coffee. He rolled over and sat up a bit so he could drink it. He had once again slept in his make-up, she hadn’t seen it off him at all since they left Arkham.

“If people are going to stare I want to be able to control what they see.” He said quietly. She blinked in surprise. Could Mr. J read minds? That wasn’t possible, right? The more time she spent with the Joker the more likely it seemed to her that he could do anything. She stared at him suspiciously.

“Your face gave you away, Harley. I keep telling you people are easy to read. I would have thought with all of Harleen’s, uh, training you’d be better at it by now.” She just shrugged and reached over for her own coffee. She wasn’t really interested in defending Harleen’s qualifications.

Instead of a second large cup, today Harley found a small cup with the words “mocha latte” scrawled on the side. She sipped it tentatively. Oooooh! This was what coffee was supposed to taste like! It was chocolaty and milky and even had whipped cream on top. She giggled and drank it greedily. The Joker chuckled at her and finished his own coffee. Now that he was fully awake on god knows how few hours of sleep he began stretching and with every extension of his long limbs something made a cracking or popping sound. His ankles, his shoulders, his wrists and elbows followed by a dramatic crackling of each hand. He got out of the bed but before he walked away he thrust each leg forward and then back a little to produce a loud sound from each knee. It sounded like gunshots.

“Geez, Puddin’, that doesn’t sound so good. Does it hurt?” She asked with a worried look on her face. He turned to look at her and tilted his neck sharply to the side causing it to crack loudly and then turned it to the other side to repeat the sound.

“Well, Cupcake, you go a few rounds with the Batman and you’ll find your joints are a little out of whack too.” He rolled his eyes a little, he wasn’t angry but she didn’t think he was thrilled by the direction the conversation was going. She was getting angry herself at the idea that Batman did this to her Puddin’.

“Batman did that to you?” She asked, her outrage on his behalf clear.

“Not really, or at least he doesn’t get all the credit.” He smiled at her and changed the subject. “Get up, we’ve got a lot to do today.” He shut himself in the bathroom and she heard the shower running.

She decided to get dressed and try to find something to eat in case food didn’t figure into Mr. J’s plans today, it didn’t seem to be much of a priority for him. On her way to the kitchen she noticed that the boxes of ammunition that had been stacked up in the factory were now gone. Probably packed up for moving day. There was no sign of any henchmen in the building and she felt like she could let her guard down and relax a little. After a breakfast of cold leftover pizza from the night before she went back to their room where she found the Joker getting dressed in something she never expected to see him in, jeans and a t-shirt. He had no make-up on and after he was dressed he pushed his green hair up into a knit cap. This was apparently the Joker incognito. He looked really cute, though she wasn’t going to tell him that. Ironically her dramatic make-up and hair worked as her disguise, no one would expect Harleen Quinzel to look like this.

“You know, Harley, if I didn’t know better I’d say you like me like _this_.” His tone made it sound like the idea hurt his feelings but his eyes were shrewd and watchful. She walked over to him and looked up at him.

“Of course I do, you’re my Puddin’, it doesn’t matter what you wear; I still see my Mr. J.” She tried to reach up to kiss him but he stopped her, holding her face in his hands and searching her eyes. She didn’t know what he was trying to see, perhaps whether or not she was telling the truth? Whatever it was he must have liked what he saw because he kissed her tenderly and let go of her face.

“Cover up your arm, it’s, uh, not exactly going to help us blend in.” He turned and left the room clearly expecting her to do what he asked and follow him.

She looked down at her arm, the words he had scratched into it were scabbed over and the whole thing was slightly angry looking today. She hated to cover it, she loved it, but she grabbed a jacket and put it on over her short sleeved shirt. Finally she slipped her new knife into her pocket and she was ready to go. It would be her last day in Gotham for a while though she knew some day they would come back. Gotham was the Joker’s town after all, the people here just didn’t realize it yet.

When she got into the nondescript silver sedan the Joker was waiting in, he reached into the back seat and pulled out a portfolio full of papers. He sat it on her lap and said, “Choose something you like.”

She opened the portfolio and saw that all of the papers were sketches of different red and black outfits. Most included some sort of diamond pattern too. She looked up at him curiously but he was driving and not paying attention to her.

“Where did you get these Mr. J, don’t tell me Spider designs clothes as a hobby?”

“No, or at least not that he’s told me.” He answered with a chuckle. “I had a persuasive talk with someone in Gotham’s fashion district yesterday.”

Wow, he did that for her? Harley felt warm and happy. She hummed a little as she looked through the different designs. There certainly was a large variety to choose from. She came across one that was basically a tiny belted vest that just barely covered her breasts combined with a pair of black panties.

“What the fuck is this?” She asked with a laugh and held the drawing up to him.

“Well it does have the advantage of making any man who sees you in it stop and stare. Of course then I would have to kill them for looking at you that way. It could get time consuming.” He said after glancing at what she had held up. She laughed and returned to the pile of papers.

Finally she decided on an outfit not too different from what she had put together herself at the punk store but more customized. It had a fluffy black ruffled skirt with white lace that she really liked; it looked like it would be fun to spin around in. There were worse reasons to choose an outfit.

They pulled up to a building in Old Gotham. The opaque window had the words “Firelli Brothers Bespoke Fashions. By Appointment Only” painted across it. Harley assumed this must be where the Joker had gotten his suits made. Mr. J looked over at her and asked, “Did you choose something?” She held up her choice and he nodded. Then he sorted through the sheets of paper and pulled out another one. It was an outfit made entirely of leather according to the notes on the page. Tight leather pants, thigh high leather boots and a leather bustier. It was less pretty and more intimidating than what she had chosen. She looked at him questioningly.

“You don’t always have to look adorable, Harley. _Sometimes_ it’s a good idea to let them know how scary you are _without_ taking a baseball bat to their heads.”

“Well that doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun.” She said with a pout. He chuckled and kissed her but still took both drawings with him when they left the car.

Once they were inside she was introduced to one of the Firelli brothers, Giuseppe, who treated Mr. J like an old friend who had come to visit. Harley was led back to a large fitting room by an older woman who in broken English insisted she undress down to her bra and panties for her measurements to be taken. She could hear Mr. J and Giuseppe talking while the woman measured every inch of her. She measured places Harley didn’t even know she had. Her feet alone had been measured a dozen different ways. She blushed a little when the woman looked down at the cuts on her arm and then gave her a little worried look. She didn’t say anything but Harley felt a little judged. It was hard for her to tamp down her anger once it started to rise so she distracted herself by eavesdropping on Mr. J’s conversation.

“Now Mr. Joker, you bring this beautiful angel in for me to clothe and look at these drawings. Why you don’t want something more befitting such a fine lady?”

“You can design a few things for her too Giuseppe but these are for particular, uh, situations we might find ourselves in. But anything you put together needs to keep the same color scheme and theme. You know what a Harlequin is?”

“Si, Arlecchino, si. This is not something for a pretty young woman though.”

“It’s what I want, that should be enough, _right_?” Mr. J’s tone became sharp.

“Si, of course Mr. Joker. Anything you want.”

“And Giuseppe, the leather needs to be very high quality. It has to move with her, like a second skin.”

“Mr. Joker, we use only the very finest leather from Firenze!”

“Ok, ok, I just wanted to make sure we understood each other. I also want a holster made for her, a special one, something that will allow her to carry a baseball bat hands free. Think you can come up with what I want?”

“Of course, this should be no problem.”

“Good. Call the usual number when you are ready for the fitting. I’ll fly you out to us, we’re leaving town tonight. That won’t be a problem will it?”

“Of course not, Mr. Joker. You are a very good customer, old Giuseppe will come to you.”

“You get dressed now, Miss.” The woman who was measuring her interrupted her eavesdropping on the conversation in the other room. Once she was dressed she joined the Joker back in the main room and after watching him leave what must have been thousands of dollars in cash on the counter, they left the little Italian tailor to begin working on her new clothes.

They drove a short distance and parked in front of a run-down duplex. After knocking loudly several times on a door with peeling paint they were finally greeted by someone Harley knew. Edward Nygma stood on the other side of the door. Seeing who it was he sighed a little as though not in the mood to deal with the Joker today. Mr. J pushed his way past him and into the house dragging Harley along by her wrist. She looked around the room. Every flat surface seemed covered in computers, computer parts and Mountain Dew cans.

“You know, Eddy, I don’t think you seem very _happy_ to see us. You were expecting us, weren’t you?” The Joker asked, sounding insulted.

“Actually I figured you’d send one of the goons that work for you. And yeah, you’re interrupting my “Me” time. Let’s just get this done so you can leave.” Eddy replied. He seemed to finally notice Harley and looked her over. “Nice to see you again Dr. Quinzel. I have to say as much as I liked the sexy psychologist look this sort of prissy punk thing is really working for you.”

Harley started to respond to Eddy but the Joker beat her to it. “Keep your eyes to yourself Eddy or I’ll pull them out and take them with me. Hand over the stuff and we’ll let you get back to your “Me” time.” The Joker made a jerking off gesture with one hand as he said the last two words.

“You’re hilarious, no wonder they call you the Joker.” Eddy said in a deadpan voice. “Here’s the phone and the files on all the locations you were interested in.”

The Joker traded some cash for the items Eddy held out to him. He opened the packet and pulled out a cell phone which he proceeded to hand to Harley. She hadn’t had a working phone since she had Eddy erase Harleen Quinzel from the digital world. It was silly but she was pretty excited to have one to play around with again. Mr. J was looking over the files that had been in the packet so she took a moment to turn on the phone and see if anything was already loaded on it. Oh good, Fruit Ninja! She also noticed that there were several contacts. Eddy had even added himself. There were numbers for Spider and Billy, they must be the men Joker trusted the most or had worked with the longest. She assumed the listing Eddy had labeled “Norman Bates” was his idea of a joke nickname for Mr. J. She looking up at him with a scowl but he wasn’t paying attention to her. She quickly edited the name to Puddin’. She was sure that wouldn’t thrill Mr. J either but it was her phone.

“These will do. I’ll be in touch when I need more.” The Joker, having concluded his business, pulled her back out of the house and toward the car.

“Bye Eddy!” Harley called behind her.

“Send me a postcard from the Windy City.” Edward Nygma replied and shut the door quickly before the Joker could change his mind and come back.

“What now, Puddin’?” Harley asked when they were back in the car.

“Now we have a little _fun_. If the boys want to live to see Chicago they’ve brought a little something for us to play with while they finish one last job.” Mr. J smiled and started driving back towards the hideout.

“Can’t you give me a little hint what it is, Mr. J?” Harley liked the idea of surprises but she hated being kept in suspense.

“No, I don’t think I will. Maybe if you hadn’t called me Puddin’ a minute ago I would have…” He teased her and began laughing when her lips pushed out into a pout.

It didn’t take them long to drive back to the factory and Harley found herself skipping up to the door, excited to see what the surprise was. She pulled her jacket off not wanting to hide Mr. J’s possessive carving on her arm another second. When they got inside the Joker pointed out a door near the kitchenette.

“Go on in, Harley. I’ll join you in a few minutes.” He said before heading back to their room.

She slowly pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect. The room was windowless and completely dark. She felt along the wall for a light switch, feeling a little nervous about what could be in the room with her. Finally she found the switch and when she turned on the light she saw that she was not alone in the room. Sitting bound to a chair was a man with his head down. She approached him slowly and after only a step or two he raised his head. She knew immediately who it was.

“Pete!” This was a surprise. Harley wasn’t entirely sure it was a pleasant one. She knew that nothing that happened between them was Pete’s fault. Mr. J had been right, she had been using Pete to sublimate her desire for the Joker. It was entirely her doing but still she just felt this anger deep down inside whenever she thought of him. Maybe it was herself she should be angry with but she couldn’t help it, fair or not the anger was directed at him.

“Harleen? Is that really you?” Pete cried out. “Everyone thinks you’re dead. Oh thank god you’re alright! I don’t know how but I’ll get us out of here Harleen. I’ll save you.”

Harley walked up and stood right in front of Pete, letting him get a good look at her. “Save me from what Pete? I’m exactly where I want to be.”

He took in the changes to her, his eyes lingering on her arm. Still staring at it, he asked, “Oh god, Harleen, what has he done to you? It doesn’t matter, we’ll fix it. Everything is going to be ok. Maybe there is something you could find to help get me out of these cuffs before he gets back.”

Harley threw her head back and cackled out a mad laugh. Pete looked up at her with a concerned expression on his face. She pulled out her switchblade and clicked it open.

“Gee, Pete, maybe I can cut you free? This blade is awfully sharp, it would probably go through bone like butter!” She offered and began laughing again.

Just then the door opened and the Joker joined them. And he was every bit _the_ Joker. He had changed from his jeans and t-shirt to his complete purple suit. His full Joker make-up was in place and his green hair wildly framed his face. He looked frightening and mad and dangerous. He looked like the most beautiful thing Harley had ever seen in her life. She pocketed her knife and with a happy squeak she ran to the Joker and threw herself in his arms. He lifted her a little, spun her around and then put her down with a kiss. They turned to look at Pete together, their synchronized movements adding an extra touch of creepy to their actions. Pete looked horrified by what he had just seen, his face had gone a little green. Still staring at Pete, with their arms wrapped around each other, the Joker and Harley began to laugh and laugh. As they walked toward him hand in hand, Pete began to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Golly, I wonder what's going to happen to Pete?!


	5. Chapter 5

The Joker stopped Pete’s screaming by gripping his throat tight enough to cut off his breathing. He looked Pete in the eyes and asked, “If I let go do you think you can stop screaming and act like a civilized person?”

Pete did his best to nod and the Joker let go of him. He walked over to one side of the room and pulled another chair over to where Pete was bound. He positioned the chair in front of and perpendicular to Pete which seemed odd. The Joker gestured to Harley that she should sit in the chair which she did immediately. Mr. J circled around them with his hands clasped behind his back and then began questioning her as though she were testifying in court or something.

“Harley, did you go on a date with this man?” She was a little unsure how to answer. She thought this was just another one of the Joker’s performances but she still didn’t really want to talk about this with him. If there was anything she was ashamed of doing since she met the Joker it was going out on a date with another man.

“Yes, I did. He took me to dinner.” She said with a blush.

“And after dinner _what_ happened? Did he walk you to your door?” Harley slumped down in her seat a little realizing that talking about that night was going to be a big part of this little show.

“Yes, he did. But I didn’t invite him in or anything.” She insisted.

“Just answer the questions, Harley. So at your door did he shake your hand or give you a friendly hug?”

“No, Mr. J. He..” The Joker interrupted her before she could finish.

“Did he give you a chaste kiss, something a _gentleman_ might bestow upon a _lady_?” Harley couldn’t help herself, she had to giggle at this. He was standing behind Pete and gave her a little wink.

“No, he didn’t” She answered.

“What did he do Harley?”

“He grabbed me and kissed me. He shoved his slimy tongue into my mouth, it was awful!” She answered with vehemence. Apparently Pete decided he’d heard enough and decided to testify on his own behalf.

“That’s not true, I kissed her but she liked it. She was moaning and kissing me back.” He looked at Harley like he wasn’t sure if she meant the things she was saying or if she was a victim of Stockholm syndrome.

“Is that true, Harley? Did you like _it_?” His tone was very pointed, as though he might actually believe Pete.

“No, it’s not true but I can see how he might have thought it was.” She looked up at Mr. J. guiltily. “I had my eyes closed, I was just trying to get it over with but then he touched my neck. He touched the bruises you gave me.” She looked up with pleading eyes, hoping he would understand what she meant. He nodded at her and she relaxed a little.

“For just a few seconds I pretended I was kissing the person I really wanted to be with but couldn’t. As soon as I remembered who I was really kissing I stopped things immediately and sent him home.”

“And who was it Harley that you really wanted to be kissing? Make sure and speak very clearly for Pete, I think he might be a little slow on the uptake.”

“You, Mr. J. Only you. But when I realized I’d responded to him I felt sick. I ran inside and rinsed out my mouth and then brushed my teeth. I still feel sick thinking about it.” She put her hand on her stomach as though even now she felt nauseous.

“Harleen, that isn’t true! It can’t be true.” Pete insisted. Harley had a feeling that Pete was about to get some first-hand experience at how true it was.

“Poor Harley. That sounds like a _very_ upsetting encounter.” The Joker’s voiced dripped with concern. He stood in front of her and asked, “Would you like me to help get the taste of GCPD pig out of your mouth?”

Harley knew immediately what Mr. J had in mind. She might not be great at reading everyone yet but she was getting very talented at reading him. She knew that a big part of what was about to happen was about male posturing but it didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to say no to touching the Joker ever, no matter what his motivation was. Besides, Harley couldn’t deny having a little bit of an exhibitionist streak.

“Oh, yes please, Mr. J!” She said enthusiastically while already reaching for his belt. He moved closer to her so that she could stay in her chair, which was considerate, but if they were going to put on a show for Pete they were going to give him the whole show. She got down on her knees and pushed the chair away a little. This was the point, right? To show how willing she was to get on her knees for the Clown. When she unfastened his pants his cock sprung up already hard, apparently she wasn’t the only exhibitionist in this couple. She had just licked her way up the underside when she heard a clicking sound and felt something metal pressed against her head.

“Keep your eyes open, Pete or I will put a bullet in her head.” Harley heard the Joker growl. Ok so that was a gun. She wasn’t worried. She didn’t think the Joker would really kill her just to upset Pete. And if he was going to kill her she felt really confident it wouldn’t be a quick bullet to the brain. Plus what kind of idiot shoots into a head that has his dick in its mouth? Obviously Pete was a moron though and did as he was told since the Joker didn’t say anything else. She returned her attention to the Joker’s body.

If it were just the two of them alone, doing this for fun, she would focus on the things that brought them both pleasure. The smell and taste of him, the feel of his skin under her tongue, doing things that made him moan and say dirty words of encouragement to her. But they weren’t alone and this was about the look of things, the display for Pete’s benefit. After a few wet licks up the length of his dick to provide lubrication she wrapped her small hands around his cock and started sliding them up and down while swirling her tongue around the tip in a way that made the prettiest picture for Pete. After a minute or so of this she moved her hands to the Joker’s hips and took his entire length into her mouth. He was really too big for her to do this comfortably but choking on a big dick wasn’t a porn staple for no reason. She gagged slightly which caused a gush of saliva to drip down his shaft as she pulled back. She did it again and looked over at Pete. Yeah, any distress she’d seen on his face earlier was gone. She’d bet her own life he was getting hard watching this. She kept watching Pete while she gagged and salivated around the Joker’s cock. The Joker for his part had put away his gun and was gently playing with her pigtails, obviously trying hard to resist the urge to thrust into her mouth or in any way influence her movements. He wanted Pete to see her gagging herself with his dick, not think somehow it was being forced on her. So much effort to teach Pete a lesson when the chance of him ever leaving this room alive was obviously zero.

Turning her attention away from Pete she decided to escalate things. She wrapped one hand around his balls and squeezed. She used the other hand to trail up and down his shaft just below her lips as her mouth moved up and down his length, stroking the underside firmly with her thumb as she went. She tasted salty pre-come with every stroke. She knew from previous experience he liked this. A lot. It wouldn’t be long now. Another firmer squeeze of his balls and he moaned out at her.

“Harder, Harley!”

She smiled as much as she could around his cock and looked up into his face. For the moment Pete was obviously not on his mind as his eyes burned into hers. She did what he asked and squeezed harder, this time giving them a little bit of a twist. Mr. J wasn’t exactly turned off by pain. He threw his head back in obvious pleasure and wrapped her pigtails around his fists. Sucking at the head of his cock while stroking the spot on its underside with her thumb she felt his testicles tighten and knew he was about to come. She moved her hand and forced his dick as far into her mouth as she could and swallowed as he came in forceful spurts. She tucked his cock back in his pants for him and looked up at him adoringly.

“Feel better, Harley?” He asked while gently smoothing out her pigtails again now that he had let them go.

“So much better, Mr. J!” She replied enthusiastically while he pulled her up off her knees and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She looked back over at Pete, he looked angry and disgusted. Mr. J’s show may not have pleased Pete but it seemed to have had a therapeutic effect on her. She no longer felt anything when she looked at Pete Blake. No guilt, no disgust, not even anger.

“So listen, uh, Pete, how about you and I play a little game?” The Joker asked turning his attention back to their guest.

“Just let us go you sick freak!” Pete yelled back. Harley was getting very tired of Pete’s inability to see what was right in front of him. She thought he needed some sense knocked into him.

“Mr. J, can I go get Slugger? I don’t think Pete’s gonna get the point unless we pound it into his head.”

“No, Harley. I appreciate the enthusiasm but I have other plans for the lieutenant here. I think we need to introduce a little chaos into the situation.” He turned back to Pete and asked, “Ever play Russian roulette, Pete?”

He continued without waiting for a response. “Now I know I don’t need to explain the rules to you, everyone knows how it’s played.”

He pulled his gun back out and showed Pete that the chambers were empty. He then pulled a bullet out of another pocket and made a display of putting it into one of the chambers and spinning the cylinder. He bent down by Pete and unlocked the handcuff that held Pete’s right hand to the chair arm. The Joker stood back up and then pressed the gun into Pete’s hand. “You get the first turn, Pete.”

As soon as the Joker’s hand left his, Pete pointed the gun not at his own head but at the Joker’s and fired off six rounds as quickly as he could. Each pull of the trigger resulted in the soft click of an empty chamber. Pete looked down at the gun as though confused and then back up at the Joker who was staring down at him and laughing. As soon as Harley realized what Pete had just tried to do she pulled out her knife and charged him. Before she made it to the chair the Joker had grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up off her feet. She kicked and pulled trying to get out of his arms.

“Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, Harley. This one’s mine.” He put her down on her feet and pulled her knife out of her hand. He pushed her against the nearby wall and stabbed her knife through the drywall next to her head as a warning that he was serious. He sat down in the empty chair near Pete and held up his hand to show that he had palmed the bullet he had earlier pretended to put into the gun. “I know a coward when I see one, Pete. Now we’re still going to play my game but I’m going to make sure we play fair.”

He loaded the bullet into the gun, for real this time and spun the cylinder again. “Since you cheated I think it’s still your turn, Lieutenant.”

Mr. J pointed the gun at Pete’s head and pulled the trigger. *click* He then pointed the gun at his own head. Harley immediately panicked and tried to get her knife out of the wall so she could just kill Pete quickly and the Joker would stop putting his life in danger. The knife was really lodged in and she couldn’t pull it out. *click* She breathed a sigh of relief and tried harder to loosen the knife.

“Your turn again Pete.” The Joker said as he pointed the gun back at the bound man. *click* Shit! Harley still hadn’t gotten the knife loose so she pushed her foot against the wall and pulled with all her strength as the Joker turned the gun back on himself. With both hands and one foot against the wall, when the knife finally came loose Harley lost her balance and fell back until the chair the Joker was sitting in broke her fall. *BANG*

“Puddin’‼” She screamed and turned to find the Joker slumped over in the chair. She ran around to the other side of the chair and looked down to find him clutching his stomach and laughing silently. Tears streaked down his face and he gasped in a deep breath, finally vocalizing a loud insane laugh. Harley didn’t understand how he was ok or what he found so funny. He still held the gun in his hand and it was pointed towards Pete. She looked over at Pete who stared at her with dead glassy eyes and a large bloody hole in his chest. Apparently when she fell against the Joker’s chair she had thrown his body forward and the shot that should have gone into his head went into Pete’s chest instead. The Joker fell out of his chair and rolled back and forth on his back cackling loudly. Harley stared at him for a minute and then let out a loud sob and covered her face with her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks. Hearing her crying the Joker stopped his display of hysteria and stood up to comfort her.

“Hey, hey, there’s no need for that. I’m fine! Come on, Harley, everything’s fine.” He said with his arms around her but her crying didn’t lessen at all. He pulled her over to the chair and sat down, dragging her down onto his lap. With her face hidden against his chest he slowly rubbed her back and shushed her until her tears stopped and she had calmed down. She wasn’t crying anymore but she was clinging to him like he might disappear if she let go. He tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes.

“Are you ok now? Got it out of your system?” He asked while he wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

“You could have died. I can’t lose you, I can’t!” Her face started to scrunch up in pain and her eyes welled up with tears again. He grabbed her chin with a bruising grip and shook her head a little to keep her from giving into her fear again.

“No more tears.” He ordered in a low scary tone. He loosened his grip on her chin and calmly said, “Harley I almost die a lot. If you can’t handle that I don’t know if this is going to work out between us.”

She thought about what he had just said. If she couldn’t accept that he might die at any moment then she couldn’t be with him. If she did accept it, well at least they could be together. If he was going to die young she’d rather it was with her in his life. She sniffed back her tears and tried to calm down.

“Made your choice have you?” He asked and she nodded and put her hand on his. He stroked her cheek and looked down into her face. “And when I do die, I need you to be stronger than that, Harley, you can’t fall apart.”

“That was a reaction to your near death. It scared me.” She thought about what would have happened if she had found the Joker dead just now. She didn’t want to cry anymore. A look of pure fury took over her face. “When you die I won’t fall apart but every fucking thing in my path will.”

He looked at her angry little face, a fire of pure rage burned in her eyes. He laughed and pulled her closer to him. “Oh my little nuclear bombshell, my biggest regret when I die will be that I won’t get to see what happens when you detonate.”

She laughed a little at that and basked in the tone of pride in his voice. “Well then, Puddin’ I’ll just have to make sure the explosion is big enough that you can see it wherever you are.”

“You do that, Harley. That would be a fitting tribute. But if you keep calling me Puddin’ you’re not going to have to worry about what happens after I die.” He pushed her out of his lap and let her fall onto the floor. She just laughed and bounced up quickly.

The Joker stood up as well and brushed his hands together as though signally that they had finished tying up their last loose end. Time for a new beginning. “C’mon, Cupcake, let’s go pack our things and ride off into the sunset together.”

It didn’t take long for either of them to gather their personal possessions but by the time everything was packed up into a series of cars and vans it was after sunset. The Joker and Harley were riding in a comfortable newer car that Spider was driving. The less respected henchmen got to travel with the Joker’s arsenal of weapons and explosives. Harley hoped they didn’t hit any potholes on the way there and giggled a little at the idea of one of the vans exploding on the way out of town. She heard a boom behind her and worried for a second that she had somehow made it happen by thinking it.

“Look behind us, Harley.” The Joker told her while turning to look out the back window of the car himself. She turned around and sat on her knees with her head resting on the back of the seat so she could see out the back window too. Over the downtown Gotham area she could see a fireworks display. They looked like….she couldn’t believe her eyes, the fireworks were exploding into purple and green smiley faces.

“Just a little something to let Gotham know I’ll be thinking about them while I’m gone.”

She watched in awe at the flashing explosions in the sky. “Gee, Puddin’, you sure know how to go out with a bang!”

“Harley?” She looked over at Mr. J.

“Leave the jokes to me. And don’t call me Puddin’.” He said with a pull on her pigtail before he leaned in and kissed her. Flashes of purple and green light reflected on their faces as the Gotham skyline faded behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know if you enjoyed it! I am planning a longer, more drama filled story for this interpretation of Joker and Harley as my NaNoWriMo project in November so please check back for that sometime in November or December. I do have a mostly finished one-shot, porno with just a little plot written from the Joker's perspective that takes place between Hellequin Honeymoon and the next long story. Please let me know in the comments if you are interested in reading it or if you've had enough smut from these two.


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